this blog is pretty much done for

i am mostly giddy lately

imminent disappointment heartbreak

regardless and for now i remain occupied
sated, warmed, wooed

the links i have received or sent to other people today and why

why am i writing this: because i am not writing a paper and i can


http://www.flickr.com/photos/smitten/4746376943/


this is a picture of a pie from a pie recipe, that is obvious if you click it you will see a pie and underneath it might say 'sour cherry pie with almond crumble' the reason i was sent this link is because the person who sent it is making me this pie. this person agreed to make me a pie long ago, at first i argued that i didn't want a sweet pie because i am losing my sweet tooth, often when i am not hungry for days and this bowl of caramels has been at my carrel for almost two weeks and i give chocolate away freely with out hoarding i think that my sweet tooth phase has finally come to pass of course this is a lie but hopefully it will not bound back into my life until after this sour cherry pie has come to fruition (get it) and i can enjoy it without sprinkling the sugar i used to sometimes keep on me at all times to eat pure, onto it.




http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/11/09/131201940/save-the-words


i sent this to a friend because last year i became engrossed with this site 'savethewords.org' and myself and the friend i sent it to used to quiz eachother on the words veprecose and frutescent, go to the site if you want to know what they mean... there are even 'to the babies' videos that act as witness to my own discovery of the savethewords site. i mainly sent this as a gentle reminder of my own visionary status as an individual of this species who can really recognize things that are 'great' before npr calls them 'good'.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=131194735

i sent this link afterwards because you can listen to the story here, in which they mention the word 'frutescent' and say "maybe we don't need a word for ... 'having the qualities of a shrub' -- frutescent" they lie. 

me: http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2010/11/05/131091599/the-day-the-internet-threw-a-righteous-hissyfit-about-copyright-and-pie

this was a link sent by me about an interesting pie scandal. i went to the website of cooksource also and its a very depressing attestation to the rumor that was ground through the rumor mill and came out truth, similar to the flour they used to make the recipes they plagiarized. 

for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2kdCJRAiNk&feature=share

my friend sent this to me because i really love ke$ha and sometimes try to rap like her. in fact, ke$ha is who i was channeling friday night in the rap video that myself and other members of my rap group made. this song is pretty good because she says things like 'i don't mean to critique your seduction technique

but your moneys not impressing me its kinda weak

'

and 'sorry daddy but im not that easy' the intention of my friend was as he put it " i didn't mean that the content of the song was for you... i just meant like i know that you like kesha.." also i know that he meant it for me even though he made it his status one second later because he sent it to me first! and also because i know that he had good intentions and also sometimes i think he may be the most sincere. I was very happy to be sent this link that i even played at relatively low volume sans earbuds in the library.

http://www.facebook.com/l/5f90bZYft_7oGOHNBwwMsYJlGqA;picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=354

this was a comic by johncampbell that someone posted on my facebook wall. facebook walls are very good for sharing things like this because its more like a ripple of a connection where someone is giving you the gift, as though putting a spotlight on you and a boombox in your hands and opening the doors so everyone can enjoy. in particular i love the last line on the cover page, 'dad it was only a wasp' in fact i went and looked at this entire persons blog and quite enjoyed it particularly this interview http://www.lotsofinterviews.com/#/wcs-pictures-for-sad-children/4544513213 while i was also procrastinating on writing this paper while simultaneously tearing my face apart. 

http://www.facebook.com/l/5f90bakI8ufLDxONl1iAOgQ2y5w;www.thefamilyhomestead.com/laundrysoap.ht
m

this was a link sent to me because my name 'crystal miller' appears at the top, but not only is it there, as though it were me, it was authored (this recipe for homemade laundry detergent, though i didnt know the person who sent it even uses laundry detergent LOL) by 'crystal miller'! although its not me i was pleased that this person saw my exact name (and who knows if they were just searching for me and not for laundry detergent recipes, i would like to think they googled 'crystal miller' and looked for things to post on my facebook wall but thats so absurd i would have to hypnotize myself into believing it)  and then thought of me and then thought to post it along with 'thanks crystal' to my facebook wall. 

so. thats all of them. today was a very link heavy day... every hour that lapses until my paper is due is another hour spent by yours truly mastering the act of internet. 

you are an alien

i have a bare neutral uninterpreted screen its called my monitor

but ive got intentions

that we have ever said things and acted in a way that made us believe our realities corresponded is enormously improbable. this is stupid why am i left alone with christmas lights often

and ive got an alien crush but its probz inapprehensible because i think that most things are

must be present to something in the presence of something,
but ive for sure got a past

my mom always said just be for yourself hahaha, i always say that


on my dating site in the future:

likes:  my mom always said, true story

wants

to hear it more

something else but this isnt it

anti-activism

not exercising


e.t.'s home

next big adventure: space travel


lets talk about parents

like

heart swells all the time from the beauty of rome

summer of one million icecream cones in 20 different flavors in 6 different languages

have had more than one icecream cone a day since arriving in europe

how do you feel about that?

trick of the eye does not equal eye tricks

too bad. i have a couple










EDIT:

FIREWORKS IN ROME
CASTLES AT NIGHT
VERDI'S AIDA

WHO KNEW

like

heart swelling all the time thanks rome

apotheosis

youessay

mostly i like the way people look
and at times the way they sound
rarely in conjuction


reigning queen of crop tops supreme

want to start a book or a rap song with that line^


feeling like a pacman

making bad decisions like its spring break 2008

germany ist die walder

a gift

one shot new black pleather  black laces tractless shoes
next shot on top of meteor towers view from tiny window, kleiner fenster, germany is the woods
zoomed in shot bloody foot clubbing too hard, foot that looks as though it has been clubbed
next, students blacked out eyes "genau genau genau genau"
new shoes again, subtitle 'one of you has lost a souvenir thanks to this purchase'
shot of many walking feet bloody streams of deutschland flag colors pool on ground
"genau genau genau genau"

invited you over for popsicles

seduced you


needed: new name for phenomenon- 'when they are a mystery with so many blanks only to realize they are just a bore and a blank'.




oh yeah and can they mean to be so aloof/to mislead you?


a tattoo idea inspired by my sweet tooth
sugar beets with teeth in the bottom of the roots

all my tattoo ideas are bad.
i saw a white ink anatomical heart over someones heart so i thought thats cool but why?


why would you not scream who you are unless you are nobody


was seduced

been thinking bout my obit(s) lately:

"she had an active facebook personality"

"her profile pictures showed different sides of her"

"her wall to wall with prominent contemporary figures reveals an ambitious energy"

"her statuses betray a turbulent/fulfilling inner life"

"she may have been the first 'post-ironic'..."

"i don't think she was a hipster"

"as a young girl... ....now survived by... ...contributed many photos to my wall"

"...now we may or may not eat her ashes from a pepper shaker..."

AM I ENTERTAINING YOU

first comes the animal hunger.

i need to tell the world about benjamin horn

so now in a cafe
it is good to have a friend to have one and i miss the more than ones i have elsewheres but i am discerning or discriminating or only choose to let one in and am not so curious about the others
i am not always smiling.

i wear bright colors
i notice,am noticed.


to be entertained and to sustain my life so as to continue to be entertained and entertaining.

collecting party tricks everywhere i go

never dull

never dull

never dull

never dull

those green overalls

here are the green overalls i decided to bring instead of my jean overalls. no one will know that i even own a pair of jean overalls

in germany maybe i will be considered a farmer because of the overalls i wear

no one will call them short-alls god i hope not.

i hate that, god.

these days filled with so much hate i think things might be looking up just going for a long vacation no money no passports whats a budget??? how do i budget??? classes. learning german

everything will be okay. 

i might be a little dumb at times.

never dull.

getting a fix

Specifically:

I am sitting on a green couch chair in the Ham Center Lobby. There are soccer players in here kicking around the ball and can you believe that? Now, I am watching two persons begin to sit intimately in a hammock, earlier I watched said persons accompany friends to dorms and ride and yelling (singing??) on their bikes, I believe they were drunk or high on friend love, whichever. And now I am thinking about how two of these people broke up and now one of them is in a hammock with one of their mutual friends. I wouldn't be paying close attention if she hadn't been back and forth from rooms with urgent looks riding her face. (back to me: my feet are up on another green chair, I am surrounded by hardware and I put my hair up too and I'm wearing my pink Dali shirt and blue jeans and jelly sandals with gems (crystals) on them maybe this is tmi but I am also wearing a sportsbra found on the freetable today, and I have one cigarette left)

Because I smoked so many cigarettes today, I've come to believe my face is covered in soot, like a chimney sweeper, I wipe it with my fingers, which, from this logic, are also covered in soot, I worry about the chimney zits I will have tomorrow, gargantuan chimney zits on my face from soot smoking. I can absolutely not stop chewing at my jaws or grinding them or something and some kids are playing soccer in the Ham Center Lobby at 2:36 AM. I spent a large portion of the last hour popping more pills and talking shop (uh) with a man who speaks very slowly and he was dull, though he gave me some beer.

What about people who go into jobs which prescribe psychadelic drugs for PTSD patients, do they take themselves seriously? Should there be a difference between recreation and labor? WHAT IF THERE WERE NOT. we ought, all of us, consume fashion, art and funfetti. We would all go to work to get high and watch anime or the Kardashians (JK NOT REALLY). If work were only fun than there would be a lot more weed farms, there would be more dance halls and more music making and more fun looking buildings with hidden tunnels and twists and turns and more sex probably too. Harry Potter Universe in the entire Universe.


what about stairs? lately stairs have been coming up a lot for me lately *no pun intended (pun intended). I hate stairs. they are difficult to walk up. I could walk up a mountain sure! I could walk up a ramp or walk up an elevator... but stairs present my body with a non organic maneuver (knees straight up??), vertically! HOW DIFFICULT. my thighs are not made for San Fran or even 2 story houses. HERE IS A SECRET: my room is upstairs and often I am so exhausted when I finally get there I just want to collapse on the floor, I have trained myself, due to bullying, to hide my tiredness to others, and pretend I want to breathe normally and be more active after climbing those stairs, but I don't. I want to pant and sweat and sometimes cry (not usually cry, crying is usually in conjunction with climbing stairs and other emotional stressers).

Now the soccer players are gone and my paper is still not writ, HOLY CRAP I ONLY HAVE 6 hours. is what I should be thinking. Instead, I'm pretty relaxed. I could listen to a rap artist who talked about drinking lemonade and be okay with it. I should listen to Philip Glass and feel intense and powerful, emotionally. that is not what I will do though.

the man who I was talking to said: "you are so damn uncensored!"
besides, did he even really mean that, I AM NOT

if I could I might name a kid 'reconciliation'- I think its a beautiful word.

make it hot

take me over
and over and over

watch out world

I haven't changed and I'm not just being problematic!!

grease
grime
grit
grain
grall
grool
greeves

every name in history begins with 'i'

againagainagainagain

in which jumpcut shots are the way i remember my own living and life
sunset through a peak in the clouds
cut to scramble awake in bed 11:30 fully dressed
cut to throwing things in backpack violent search for license
cut to new lavander deodorant wet and sticky dry now
toothpaste on face
bed again warm sighs all around,
from me

cut to another time in which i am engulfed by the
cut to marina jacks listening to this american life in which sarah yorke is a penpal to
cut to remake of that garrison keeler short story in which a boy, now a girl, myself, steals a pie, from a window, from a store, and eats the whole thing with his fingers, with their fingers... both feel ill