seduced you
needed: new name for phenomenon- 'when they are a mystery with so many blanks only to realize they are just a bore and a blank'.
oh yeah and can they mean to be so aloof/to mislead you?
a tattoo idea inspired by my sweet tooth
sugar beets with teeth in the bottom of the roots
all my tattoo ideas are bad.
i saw a white ink anatomical heart over someones heart so i thought thats cool but why?
why would you not scream who you are unless you are nobody
was seduced
20100628
20100624
been thinking bout my obit(s) lately:
"she had an active facebook personality"
"her profile pictures showed different sides of her"
"her wall to wall with prominent contemporary figures reveals an ambitious energy"
"her statuses betray a turbulent/fulfilling inner life"
"she may have been the first 'post-ironic'..."
"i don't think she was a hipster"
"as a young girl... ....now survived by... ...contributed many photos to my wall"
"...now we may or may not eat her ashes from a pepper shaker..."
"her profile pictures showed different sides of her"
"her wall to wall with prominent contemporary figures reveals an ambitious energy"
"her statuses betray a turbulent/fulfilling inner life"
"she may have been the first 'post-ironic'..."
"i don't think she was a hipster"
"as a young girl... ....now survived by... ...contributed many photos to my wall"
"...now we may or may not eat her ashes from a pepper shaker..."
20100614
20100613
i need to tell the world about benjamin horn
so now in a cafe
it is good to have a friend to have one and i miss the more than ones i have elsewheres but i am discerning or discriminating or only choose to let one in and am not so curious about the others
i am not always smiling.
i wear bright colors
i notice,am noticed.
to be entertained and to sustain my life so as to continue to be entertained and entertaining.
collecting party tricks everywhere i go
it is good to have a friend to have one and i miss the more than ones i have elsewheres but i am discerning or discriminating or only choose to let one in and am not so curious about the others
i am not always smiling.
i wear bright colors
i notice,am noticed.
to be entertained and to sustain my life so as to continue to be entertained and entertaining.
collecting party tricks everywhere i go
20100610
20100526
those green overalls
here are the green overalls i decided to bring instead of my jean overalls. no one will know that i even own a pair of jean overallsin germany maybe i will be considered a farmer because of the overalls i wear
no one will call them short-alls god i hope not.
i hate that, god.
these days filled with so much hate i think things might be looking up just going for a long vacation no money no passports whats a budget??? how do i budget??? classes. learning german
everything will be okay.
i might be a little dumb at times.
never dull.
20100506
getting a fix
Specifically:
I am sitting on a green couch chair in the Ham Center Lobby. There are soccer players in here kicking around the ball and can you believe that? Now, I am watching two persons begin to sit intimately in a hammock, earlier I watched said persons accompany friends to dorms and ride and yelling (singing??) on their bikes, I believe they were drunk or high on friend love, whichever. And now I am thinking about how two of these people broke up and now one of them is in a hammock with one of their mutual friends. I wouldn't be paying close attention if she hadn't been back and forth from rooms with urgent looks riding her face. (back to me: my feet are up on another green chair, I am surrounded by hardware and I put my hair up too and I'm wearing my pink Dali shirt and blue jeans and jelly sandals with gems (crystals) on them maybe this is tmi but I am also wearing a sportsbra found on the freetable today, and I have one cigarette left)
Because I smoked so many cigarettes today, I've come to believe my face is covered in soot, like a chimney sweeper, I wipe it with my fingers, which, from this logic, are also covered in soot, I worry about the chimney zits I will have tomorrow, gargantuan chimney zits on my face from soot smoking. I can absolutely not stop chewing at my jaws or grinding them or something and some kids are playing soccer in the Ham Center Lobby at 2:36 AM. I spent a large portion of the last hour popping more pills and talking shop (uh) with a man who speaks very slowly and he was dull, though he gave me some beer.
What about people who go into jobs which prescribe psychadelic drugs for PTSD patients, do they take themselves seriously? Should there be a difference between recreation and labor? WHAT IF THERE WERE NOT. we ought, all of us, consume fashion, art and funfetti. We would all go to work to get high and watch anime or the Kardashians (JK NOT REALLY). If work were only fun than there would be a lot more weed farms, there would be more dance halls and more music making and more fun looking buildings with hidden tunnels and twists and turns and more sex probably too. Harry Potter Universe in the entire Universe.
what about stairs? lately stairs have been coming up a lot for me lately *no pun intended (pun intended). I hate stairs. they are difficult to walk up. I could walk up a mountain sure! I could walk up a ramp or walk up an elevator... but stairs present my body with a non organic maneuver (knees straight up??), vertically! HOW DIFFICULT. my thighs are not made for San Fran or even 2 story houses. HERE IS A SECRET: my room is upstairs and often I am so exhausted when I finally get there I just want to collapse on the floor, I have trained myself, due to bullying, to hide my tiredness to others, and pretend I want to breathe normally and be more active after climbing those stairs, but I don't. I want to pant and sweat and sometimes cry (not usually cry, crying is usually in conjunction with climbing stairs and other emotional stressers).
Now the soccer players are gone and my paper is still not writ, HOLY CRAP I ONLY HAVE 6 hours. is what I should be thinking. Instead, I'm pretty relaxed. I could listen to a rap artist who talked about drinking lemonade and be okay with it. I should listen to Philip Glass and feel intense and powerful, emotionally. that is not what I will do though.
the man who I was talking to said: "you are so damn uncensored!"
besides, did he even really mean that, I AM NOT
if I could I might name a kid 'reconciliation'- I think its a beautiful word.
I am sitting on a green couch chair in the Ham Center Lobby. There are soccer players in here kicking around the ball and can you believe that? Now, I am watching two persons begin to sit intimately in a hammock, earlier I watched said persons accompany friends to dorms and ride and yelling (singing??) on their bikes, I believe they were drunk or high on friend love, whichever. And now I am thinking about how two of these people broke up and now one of them is in a hammock with one of their mutual friends. I wouldn't be paying close attention if she hadn't been back and forth from rooms with urgent looks riding her face. (back to me: my feet are up on another green chair, I am surrounded by hardware and I put my hair up too and I'm wearing my pink Dali shirt and blue jeans and jelly sandals with gems (crystals) on them maybe this is tmi but I am also wearing a sportsbra found on the freetable today, and I have one cigarette left)
Because I smoked so many cigarettes today, I've come to believe my face is covered in soot, like a chimney sweeper, I wipe it with my fingers, which, from this logic, are also covered in soot, I worry about the chimney zits I will have tomorrow, gargantuan chimney zits on my face from soot smoking. I can absolutely not stop chewing at my jaws or grinding them or something and some kids are playing soccer in the Ham Center Lobby at 2:36 AM. I spent a large portion of the last hour popping more pills and talking shop (uh) with a man who speaks very slowly and he was dull, though he gave me some beer.
What about people who go into jobs which prescribe psychadelic drugs for PTSD patients, do they take themselves seriously? Should there be a difference between recreation and labor? WHAT IF THERE WERE NOT. we ought, all of us, consume fashion, art and funfetti. We would all go to work to get high and watch anime or the Kardashians (JK NOT REALLY). If work were only fun than there would be a lot more weed farms, there would be more dance halls and more music making and more fun looking buildings with hidden tunnels and twists and turns and more sex probably too. Harry Potter Universe in the entire Universe.
what about stairs? lately stairs have been coming up a lot for me lately *no pun intended (pun intended). I hate stairs. they are difficult to walk up. I could walk up a mountain sure! I could walk up a ramp or walk up an elevator... but stairs present my body with a non organic maneuver (knees straight up??), vertically! HOW DIFFICULT. my thighs are not made for San Fran or even 2 story houses. HERE IS A SECRET: my room is upstairs and often I am so exhausted when I finally get there I just want to collapse on the floor, I have trained myself, due to bullying, to hide my tiredness to others, and pretend I want to breathe normally and be more active after climbing those stairs, but I don't. I want to pant and sweat and sometimes cry (not usually cry, crying is usually in conjunction with climbing stairs and other emotional stressers).
Now the soccer players are gone and my paper is still not writ, HOLY CRAP I ONLY HAVE 6 hours. is what I should be thinking. Instead, I'm pretty relaxed. I could listen to a rap artist who talked about drinking lemonade and be okay with it. I should listen to Philip Glass and feel intense and powerful, emotionally. that is not what I will do though.
the man who I was talking to said: "you are so damn uncensored!"
besides, did he even really mean that, I AM NOT
if I could I might name a kid 'reconciliation'- I think its a beautiful word.
20100504
20100426
watch out world
I haven't changed and I'm not just being problematic!!
grease
grime
grit
grain
grall
grool
greeves
grease
grime
grit
grain
grall
grool
greeves
20100323
againagainagainagain
in which jumpcut shots are the way i remember my own living and life
sunset through a peak in the clouds
cut to scramble awake in bed 11:30 fully dressed
cut to throwing things in backpack violent search for license
cut to new lavander deodorant wet and sticky dry now
toothpaste on face
bed again warm sighs all around,
from me
cut to another time in which i am engulfed by the
cut to marina jacks listening to this american life in which sarah yorke is a penpal to
cut to remake of that garrison keeler short story in which a boy, now a girl, myself, steals a pie, from a window, from a store, and eats the whole thing with his fingers, with their fingers... both feel ill
sunset through a peak in the clouds
cut to scramble awake in bed 11:30 fully dressed
cut to throwing things in backpack violent search for license
cut to new lavander deodorant wet and sticky dry now
toothpaste on face
bed again warm sighs all around,
from me
cut to another time in which i am engulfed by the
cut to marina jacks listening to this american life in which sarah yorke is a penpal to
cut to remake of that garrison keeler short story in which a boy, now a girl, myself, steals a pie, from a window, from a store, and eats the whole thing with his fingers, with their fingers... both feel ill
20091211
in glorious abundance. for those who procrastinate
i feel strange.
and i want it to be over. i can't even make myself write a paper because i want it so badly.
the internet is my least favorite place in the world right now. i hate computer screens
i want my bike to be okay to ride again. i want to ride to the beach right now. i want to ride my bicycle all over the country, sometimes.
there are things to be excited over: for example,
in d.c. in january i will see snow falling for the first time in 10 years.
another thing to be excited about could be sleeping break away, and reading for leisure and shopping for warm clothes and christmas presents and clean bathroom hands feet me.
what about bald men who grow ponytails? should they still get laid?
and i want it to be over. i can't even make myself write a paper because i want it so badly.
the internet is my least favorite place in the world right now. i hate computer screens
i want my bike to be okay to ride again. i want to ride to the beach right now. i want to ride my bicycle all over the country, sometimes.
there are things to be excited over: for example,
in d.c. in january i will see snow falling for the first time in 10 years.
another thing to be excited about could be sleeping break away, and reading for leisure and shopping for warm clothes and christmas presents and clean bathroom hands feet me.
what about bald men who grow ponytails? should they still get laid?
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